The Mystery Around False Allegations & Alienation

The subjects of False Allegations and Alienation of parents and children come up often, and are also often intertwined. In a large number of the cases we see, the parent who is committed to hurting the other parent – using the children – engages in tactics to either cut off the other parent from the children and / or works to discourage the children from loving and trusting the other parent.  This hurts the children in harsh and lasting ways, so this is why you see groups around the country focusing on stopping this form of abuse called alienation.

Making false claims against the other parent is just one way that the aggressor parent and his or her lawyer can manipulate the court into disrupting the relationship between the other parent and their children.  The aggressor parent can be motivated to punish the other parent, looking to use the children to control the outcome of the case, and using this form of foul play to reduce the financial settlement and child support to the other parent.

This is what we have observed in the Newnan story reported on by news media, as it was being driven by false claims perpetuated and leveraged in court by certain experts and attorneys. This case is not the only one where a mother is being falsely accused and prevented from seeing her children. Another Fulton County case reported on by news media shared the same use of foul play – creating a situation that could be falsely claimed as being the mother’s fault – to support a motion to make her pay…in every way possible. In both of these cases the local law enforcement and courts are being manipulated, undermined in their duties and leveraged to increase damages financially and legally to the targeted parent.

Most of these targeted mothers and fathers do not have much of a voice, and often have been drained of resources so they are unable to recover and manage through the necessary litigation to get their children back.

What is interesting is that at least one attorney calling himself a “Father’s Rights” attorney is doing to good mothers what men claim is being done to them — setting them up to fail and preventing them from having a relationship with their children. Based on what we’ve seen this attorney do in court, this is not just a big problem for fathers. Do your due diligence before you hire, and think twice before you wrongfully have another parent prosecuted.

More recently we are seeing good parents (mothers, fathers, grandparents) and professionals come together to support each other and to see what can be done about this.  Is it possible to intervene and turn these cases around, and to help victims recover?

It is terrible for these children to lose healthy, loving parents, and some of these children are being abused by the parent that the court awarded custody to, while ignoring and suppressing evidence of abuse. This is the situation in some of our Cobb, Fulton, Forsyth, Newnan Augusta stories.

If the mother is using false allegations, she may be looking to increase the amount of child support or the financial settlement by using fear and duress around the children and the father’s career and reputation. She may just want the father out of her way so she can move where she wants to freely, or may need him to appear guilty when she is the one who is addicted or violent. This is the situation in several of the Atlanta and Augusta cases we are analyzing and reporting on. Neither the aggressor parent nor their attorneys – or the custody experts involved – are thinking twice about the damages to the children, let alone the fact that they are destroying an innocent party.

False Allegations_Unreasonable Child Support Either way, this is wrong and should not be enabled by court professionals. We are looking to the court professionals to allow more transparency and to stop encouraging and enabling these harmful practices. False Allegations and alienation tactics are coming up a lot on cases because they cause the cases to be prolonged and lead to larger billings for certain family law and child custody professionals. Where we can see the active participation of certain professionals in using these tactics, whether it is causing them or enabling them – dishonestly and unethically – we refer to this practice as “Putting Profit Over Protection.”

One of the worst cases, and one with the highest dollar amounts going to dishonest professionals is a Fulton case you have seen aired on CBS Atlanta news reports. The GAL Jim Holmes has billed and been awarded approximately $166,000 in fees, and while helping to ensure that evidence of child abuse and child pornography are not allowed on the record. This GAL and others use psychologists such as Dr. Howard Drutman and Dr. Betty King to instead point the blame at the other parent, so as to justify the court’s ruling to punish or restrict that targeted parent.

This happens to both mothers and fathers, as personality disorders, abusive conduct, fear and hate are not gender-specific problems. The abusive parent can easily use the court system to control, punish and undermine the other parent.  The myths you may hear about is that more women alienate fathers, or you may hear that more men are abusive and able to get away with foul play because they are men and control the money. It is not that simple, so we use case studies to educate both men and women, and ask them to look at ways to intervene and support each other – meaning good parents and good professionals have to work together to address what is really driving and enabling the foul play.

The truth is that foul play comes in many forms, but the abusive parent is the one most likely to aggressively seek out ways to harm the other parent, and certain family court professionals are inclined to reward that behavior as it pays them well, regardless of which party has access to the funds from which they’ll be compensated. The truth is that certain professionals do not care which parent – mother or father – is willing to be abusive.

It doesn’t matter either whether their client or the other party has some form of misconduct they are motivated to hide or to continue doing (like child abuse, violence, substance abuse or financial fraud).  It is not the concern of certain professionals, according to what our case studies show, if this misconduct continues even if it is hurting children and the parents these children need caring for them and protecting them. When we use the term foul play, we do not just mean what one parent is doing to another, but what those professionals are enabling and ignoring. In this context, when we say foul play we mean where certain attorneys and select custody experts are used to help either suppress evidence – evidence that should be used on the record to protect children or the targeted parent – or where they are used to launch and validate False Allegations against an innocent parent.

By keeping evidence off the record, filtered out and hidden from the custody reports and “psych evaluations,” and by causing False Allegations against the innocent / targeted parent to appear valid, they can manipulate what the Court hears and rules on, and they can alter and manipulate the outcomes of court cases. For many of these professionals, this is just standard operating procedure, but the problem is that we have an unsuspecting public who does not realize that it is not safe for them.

If you are innocent and simply believing the court professionals will use the evidence and funds to protect you, your children, your rights and your property and life savings, you will face a rude awakening, but probably not until it’s too late. Because of this situation, we see many good parents losing their children, their homes, their careers and health, and filing bankruptcy. Some parents try to stand up for themselves and appeal rulings to correct a situation where they and their children have been set up to fail, and they wind up in jail because the judge and opposing counsel do not want to allow the case to be exposed or corrected. Fortunately this practice is not being used by all attorneys or condoned by all judges. All child custody “experts” and mediators are not involved or complicit.

In our reports you will learn about ethical, talented attorneys and child custody professionals and therapists speaking up and taking a stand to interrupt these practices and to help parents and children recover. To help you learn more from experts across the country, we shared this video from 2007 which includes a police officer who speaks to the use of False Allegations in the context of custody cases.  Her background leads her to speak more to men as the victim of this form of foul play, but our data is showing that women are just as likely to be falsely accused, to lose their rights to care for and protect their children, and to be destroyed financially and even jailed. Currently we have several parents who are in jail where their cases have been brought to our attention, and from all we’ve seen there is no valid reason for them to be in jail, and the fault lies with the professionals who acted as described above. In other cases, the abusive parent is going after the targeted or innocent parent, and lying to law enforcement and the courts to have the other parent cut off from their children and even jailed.

From what we are learning, law enforcement would prefer not to be lied to and used this way. It is a waste of our tax dollars and manpower, and it is leading to our communities being LESS SAFE and less economically sound or prosperous.

Law enforcement officers are seeing the damages to the children around the use of these foul play tactics.

We are asking the community to get more informed, to learn about these cases, and to ask legislators, news media, law enforcement and our leadership to get involved. This is destroying good families, destabilizing children and causing them to fail in school and to develop addiction problems, worsening their health and setting them up to repeat these cycles. Is that what we want?  Should we allow certain court professionals to keep building the mystery around the use of false allegations and alienation? Or is now the time for us to look at these issues and bad practices, and intervene? This is a Mystery that we can now take head on and clear up.  

Yellow Ribbon for Kids

This campaign is being designed to bring kids home to the parents they need and love.

The only reason these parents are not able to care for their own children is that certain court professionals chose to put their profits over protection, over the needs of the children in divorce and child custody disputes.

No, this is not the case in every situation, but an astounding number of cases in Georgia and around the country are being exposed for professional misconduct – – that led to children losing good parents.

The Yellow Ribbon is the symbol and theme that we know well…for it says to us to expect a welcome home, and especially a welcome home from war.

This IS the war on our home turf that many parents are fighting, including those who serve and have sacrificed to support our military.  While they fought for our rights, many of theirs have been denied.

Missing parents? Yes, moms and dads, including many in our military, our veterans, have been told they aren't good enough... #YellowRibbon time?

Missing parents? Yes, moms and dads, including many in our military, our veterans, have been told they aren’t good enough… #YellowRibbon time?

 

Help restore these parents and children to each other.

#Stand4Heroes

#YellowRibbon4Kids

#MyAdvocateCenter

Parental Alienation Syndrome: Real vs Misguided Use

Parental Alienation is something very real to many mothers and fathers who have been wrongfully cut off from their children.  We say “wrongfully” because the facts and evidence of the case did not support that loss.

The word “syndrome” was added for another purpose, however.  And this is where it gets difficult for many.

In family court when there is REAL abuse happening, and the perpetrator has the ability to influence the judge with special connections and money, they may refer to this “syndrome” or some other term (again, something that makes no sense if you look at the evidence) to justify punishing a good parent, and taking away a child.

This video helps explain some of what we are seeing in custody disputes where the evidence of abuse has been substantiated.  This includes the Fulton county case we have been following and reporting on.

 

Atlanta News: CBS Asks Why the Need for Family Court Reform

You may have learned over this past year that just because police and DFCS substantiate claims of child abuse, that does not mean the judge and custody experts will use this evidence to protect a child.

It does not even mean that the child’s THERAPIST will take the evidence seriously in order to protect the child…how is that even possible?  This therapist was chosen by the mother, but only because she had a credible background and substantial role in advocacy for children.  However, when money becomes an issue…it appears evidence and the medical needs of a child do not carry much weight.

This therapist would not listen to police, the child, other real doctors and is not trained to treat dissociative disorder.  This disorder can manifest for victims of severe and prolonged abuse.

This medical disorder and the signs of trauma are glaring in a number of cases in Georgia that are being handled much like this one.  Should our healthcare community and educators be made aware, so they can get involved to help stop this?  We think so.

Dr Danielle Levy decided that overwhelming evidence of abuse & trauma should be ignored.  $$$

Dr Danielle Levy decided that overwhelming evidence of abuse & trauma should be ignored. $$$

 

My Advocate Center has been researching cases across counties and collecting data, and unfortunately the pattern is the same.  If certain attorneys and select custody experts get together, they can put profit over protection.

By hosting the world premiere of the Divorce Corp. film narrated by Dr. Drew, Atlanta was able to bring together parents and professionals to expose the truth and discuss reform.

Continue reading and watching our news coverage as there is much more to report that will help drive change, should you choose to understand and then act on it.

 

 

This is the second in a series of interviews on this case, but the start of a national movement with My Advocate Center to help fathers understand what mothers like this one are going through.  We are all on the same team around protecting children who are being harmed by unethical court practices, foul play, and the “Pay to Play” system.

Guilty parties will pay large amounts of money to have evidence suppressed, and to retain access to their victims.   It is a “Pay to Play” system that allows violent or abusive parties to use children as pawns and to use the process to hide crimes and punish parents seeking protection from the court.

This “Pay to Play” concept also works in reverse, where certain attorneys counsel clients to lie to police – wasting our law enforcement resources – and use false allegations to gain advantage or punish the other party.  Either way, children are harmed, as is our State.  The case revealed in our local coverage fits the Pay to Play concept, and foul play is involved, but it is not a false allegations case as the father’s attorney is asserting.  Look at the facts of the case, the record, and what the professionals were paid to keep the available evidence and testimony – including from police – OFF the record.

There is more to follow, including the tactics of working to deny a litigant the opportunity and right to appeal.

Now is the time to get involved, and save these children and the good parents counting on our Courts and laws for protection.

Please follow updates about Family Court Reform and ask your legislators to help see this through.

Twitter: Follow @MyAdvocateCentr  using #FamilyCourtReform #ImproveFamilyLaw #NeedsofChildren #MyAdvocateCenter — and help stop these #shenanigans.

 

Coping with Parental Alienation of Your Children

If you have felt the effects of this or seen it in your children’s faces, body language, behavior or heard things from them that seemed like they were trying to push you away, you have experienced the impact of “alienation” tactics.

This summary is focused strictly on coping skills and not on description or legalities.  It is something to try to prevent and to take seriously, but for now let’s talk about how you can manage better in a way that helps you, your children and your relationship with them.

Not everyone realizes they are doing things in a way to cause alienation, while others’ efforts are intentional.  But whatever the motivation or awareness level is, the result is still the same.  It drives a wedge between children and parents – when the children really need for both parents to be calm, positive and connected – and increases the conflict between parents while reducing the chances for cooperation and teamwork.   This phenomenon takes away from children who need to be receiving emotionally and physically all they can get from each parent.  So, yes, it is a big deal and the effects are deeper and longer lasting than you might imagine.

If you are the parent having to defend against these tactics by the other parent, it means unfortunately you have a little extra work to do.   Understand the issue and how it works.  Be prepared, and work on controlling and diffusing your own emotions.   Don’t counter-attack, but rather mediate and diffuse the situation.  Surrounding yourself with positive information, people and experiences will help turn this around.   There are excellent professionals – both psychological and legal – we can refer you to for help, but first do some reading, journaling of the issues and look yourself in the mirror to see your strengths; see what you are capable of before resorting to spending money trying to correct this.  You might find that you have more power and influence than you’ve been led to believe.

What your children see and hear from you will have a chance to offset and change what is happening, if you stay resolved, calm and upbeat about it.  Hopefully  you took some acting classes earlier in life…so this is where any performing or sales ability will help you!

Here are some other things you need to have and work on:

  • A basic understanding of what Parental Alienation is and is not; do not try to be an expert or focus more than a few minutes on this.  Once you get it, let that part go.
  • A mindset of playing offense rather than defense; put yourself in control rather than in victim mode.  Note that “being on offense” is quite different from being “offensive.”  Offending the other parent is not helpful!
  • A mature mind and heart.  Your reactive and retaliatory nature needs to stay in the journal you keep where you vent your frustrations, complaints, sadness, bitterness or even fear.  Reveal the best of your mind and heart to your children, and…yes, even to the other parent causing the alienation.
  • A great deal of patience, and an outlet for handling the stress when patience fails you;  do not keep it bottled in, so use counseling, exercise, good books and family support as needed.  Your friends will not understand, so keep from sharing what is happening as much as possible – think offensive line.  Eye on the goal line, rather than on a potential loss.
  • A sense of humor; if you are going to sell it to your kids and community that you are not a victim to feel sorry for (no one wants to hang with victims) then find the humor and the bright side.  This attracts your children to a different way of thinking and sets an amazing example.
  • An exciting and productive something going on in your life, besides what you do with and for your kids.
  • Forget Plan A, and have enough back up plans that one or two disappointments – like not being able to host your child’s birthday party – do not cause major setbacks.  Move on quickly to the next “best” option for being involved and having the joy of your child’s pleasure and gratitude.
  • A healthy ego.  Sometimes not being the center of attention allows you to learn more and be a better coach and example for your child than if all the focus is on you.  When it is obvious that one parent is trying to control or get credit for something, kids notice and they appreciate that your ego is balanced, and that you are okay just being a part of something that is good for them.
  • A sense of timing.  Kids have a way of getting what they need from you WHEN they need it.  So keep planting seeds that you are available and willing, but that they can get what they need when they are ready.
  • A sensitivity for things you might not see or hear; kids are often working pretty hard to not let on what they are experiencing and how it is affecting them.  They do not want to burden anyone or draw attention to something negative, and this takes a lot of their energy.  This touches on why alienation tactics relate to abuse and neglect – it causes them stress and affects their joy, focus and sleep.  Your main job is to not add to this while trying to protect your relationship with them, and it is easier said than done.
  • A decision to meet in the middle, rather than to have a “winner” or a “loser” – this is not about the battle which is what the person doing the alienating wants you to think.  This is about the effects on your children and the example you want to set for them around having good boundaries and the skills they need to resolve conflict in their lifetime.  Change what you can change, enjoy what you can enjoy – that is your choice and it IS within your intelligent and ability to do.
  • A list of things you can do to take the high road and set a more positive example, like saving a seat for the other parent if you arrive early to an event where your child is performing or competing.   Waiting with an open and encouraging stance before leaving with your child after an event so that they have extra time to visit with and debrief with their other parent.   Turning toward the other parent & looking at them when speaking, as if you expect something positive to happen.  When you order something, like school pictures, order extra and have your child take the extras to the other parent.  Plant seeds.  And ask for what you need and want with a smile and positive expectations.

These are things that will help, even if they aren’t easy to keep in mind and act on consistently, but the more you develop and call on your strengths, the more wisdom and peace you insert into this environment, the better chance you have of turning it around.

You’ll be amazed at how your children will respond over time.