Missing Parents

For kids who have missed out on a relationship with a mom or dad after divorce:

If you believe that your mom or dad did not choose to go missing on you, consider asking for some help with research.   You may see that parent occasionally and be unsure of why you have so little time with them.  Yes, sometimes it’s for a good reason, but not always.  These words are here to help you see that you can at least ask the questions and learn more now that you are older.

Your situation doesn’t have to be related to a divorce, but the reason our team is focusing on “Missing Parents” is that we have seen some bad decisions by judges and attorneys.   Sometimes the court can get in the way of what is really in your best interest, rather than doing what is right for you when it comes to time with your parents.  The problem is that people just don’t talk about this very often, and not where you can hear.

We are not saying we want to give you false hope.  Sometimes parents don’t know how to be parents and can’t cope.  But it’s worth checking to see if the court professionals working with your parents did something that didn’t make any sense.  If you want a relationship with a parent you have not seen much, but are afraid to ask, then let us know.

Sometimes a parent is just unhealthy and really can’t be involved, and that is something you can face and learn to cope with if that is true. Our hope is that even a parent who had some problems can get the right help and learn how to be what you need.

There are other situations, though, where the court decided to cut off a decent mom or dad, and for no good reason.

We know of parents who are fighting to earn enough money to afford help, or to find a way to deal with a wrong decision made by a judge.  

Sometimes parents wind up in front of a judge who maybe wasn’t paying attention to what YOU really need and want.  

Sometimes attorneys get lazy, and other times the “Guardian” can make huge mistakes in how they judge a mom or dad who was given bad advice by their lawyer.

There are different scenarios around attorneys and judges that can interfere with what you need and with what should happen with your parents.  It may not matter what the details are, but our mission is to create more resources that you can use to find answers – – answers that help you have what you need from both parents.

We have learned that there are decent parents who are not allowed to even contact their kids.

Unfortunately this separation can happen because an attorney or a “custody expert” decided to play games at your parent’s expense.  Really…at your expense.  That interference is what we are working to help correct, so if our work can lead you to get a parent back in your life who never should have been pushed away from you, then it makes all of our hard work worthwhile.

At least now there is a way to find out more information that can shed light.

You deserve the best that both of your parents have to offer you, as long as they are safe for you and not inflicting emotional or physical pain.

You may be old enough now to know the difference and to want answers.   First, we ask that you find an adult you trust through school, church or a counselor to help you as you ask questions and learn more.

It’s not right what certain professionals are doing for the sake of making extra money, but if you’re strong enough there may be a better way to deal with this than to worry and wonder.  For sure you should not assume that the parent you’ve been missing left you because they wanted to.

The hard part in answering these questions is that you may learn that the parent you’ve been living with had something to do with cutting out your other parent, and was using some kind of manipulation to make that parent go away.

If that happened it’s not right, but adults are not perfect.   Even a decent parent can have a bad idea.  Some make mistakes and don’t want to consider that they might have been wrong.

They’re human, so if you’re uncomfortable with finding out just how “human” your mom or dad is, don’t deal with this alone.  [We have good counselors who can help with these issues, so just ask.]   There is some risk involved in asking tough questions, and in facing the answers.  This is something you can prepare for, and handle as you feel ready.

Just know you aren’t alone, and that things are changing for the better.  

If you find out that a missing parent wants to see you, and needs support or counseling in order to have a healthy relationship with you, then ask for what you need to make it work.   That parent may be more scared than you are, especially if some time has passed and if you were given incorrect information about this parent.   You may learn that even if you missed valuable time together that you can make up for it as an adult, and find that “silver lining” that you hear about.

It’s there if you look for it.

Missing a parent?  Not sure what happened?  There may be more to the story than you realize.  Maybe it's time to ask, and ask someone who will not be mad at you for saying what you need.

Missing a parent? Not sure what happened? There may be more to the story than you realize. Maybe it’s time to ask, and ask someone who will not be mad at you for saying what you need.

 

Judges, Attorneys, Guardians and Custody Evaluators:  We hope that as kids become old enough to search on the Internet and to ask questions about why a parent suddenly wasn’t around much after a divorce, that a number of them will find their way here.

Please do what is within your power to stop alienation tactics and to restore balance in family conflicts.

“Parental alienation” is a term that kids do not understand and should not ever have to learn.

Our data shows that many alienation cases would NOT happen if certain court professionals did not encourage this bad behavior.  You see often enough the GAL who rewards a vindictive parent who will pay for the opportunity to cause misery.   It is YOUR job to use evidence and laws to protect children from losing good parents.

About Public Information Officer

Deb Beacham of Atlanta is the founder of My Advocate Center, Inc., a Georgia non-profit corporation created in 2011 to serve the rapidly growing needs of families and children caught in conflict.

What is Solutions-Based Journalism?
Researching and reporting are being leveraged in the development of creative solutions to help families preserve their time, energy, financial resources and homes for the benefit of their children. Public awareness and engagement are key so Ms. Beacham launched programming for professionals serving families, reaching more than a million listeners across the metro Atlanta area. Pro Advocate Radio will be announcing its next series in 2017.