Why is This News to Me? Can it be Real?

Our mission has been to inform more parents of what they need to know to avoid the demise faced in family court by so many other mothers and fathers.  Almost everyone who has gone through the court system gets it, at least acknowledging that something is terribly amiss.

You often hear, “If I hadn’t experienced this myself, I would never have believed it!”  And then, “Why didn’t someone WARN me?  How was I supposed to know this could happen – how can we protect ourselves, our children, our family’s home and assets?”

Other people who haven’t been through it and felt those losses or understood the suffering that ensues – the mental anguish and loss of stability – shake their heads and try to form conclusions that make sense to them:

If this many people are really being hurt, then why am I just hearing this for the first time?   The answer is that not everyone is being exploited, or not all the time, or not to the same degree.  Enough people pass through the legal process in a “normal” fashion where the rules and laws count, evidence is used to produce the right outcome and litigants believe their attorney and judge did right by them & handled their case appropriately.  Those cases and litigants serve to discredit and deny the people who are chosen by those same members of the Court to be abused & damaged.

Another reason it is hard for “most” people to relate to what happens to others forced into the Family Court process is that these cases are treated differently from most cases in other areas of law.  Corporate and real estate or insurance cases don’t suffer the exact same types of power imbalances and emotional dysfunction that you often find between parents struggling over money, children, violence/addiction or reeling from adultery and betrayal.

The parties to a business or insurance action are typically not as emotionally destabilized and fearful; therefore it is not as easy for them to be fooled and exploited.  Someone who is business-like is more likely to learn the rules and to rationally explore options and outcomes for themselves.  They are less likely to be manipulated, and they are better suited to calling out and ridding themselves of a bad attorney.

A bad attorney is one who fails to provide honest guidance, loyalty to their client or anything resembling assertive and forthright representation that could actually allow their client to survive and prevail.

They must have done something to deserve this treatment.  More on this later, or call/email if you really believe this and need to be convinced otherwise.

This doesn’t concern ME.   Well ~ if you saw the numbers of people being affected, the ways this impacts each community and business – along with the families and their children – then you simply wouldn’t say it.

Why is it so hard to get the message across to us, to those of us not being targeted?

You may have heard that women have been told that if they fear an attack is imminent, or happening, not to cry out “RAPE” but to yell “FIRE!” instead?  It is because people can relate to fire, and will run TOWARD a fire to help out, rather than run away from it.

When something this awful and personal is happening to us – it doesn’t make sense, we aren’t expecting it and don’t even know what to describe, let alone whom to call for – we don’t have the words, and we are afraid we won’t be believed.  This is true of both men and women.

The perpetrators of the abuse and betrayal are counting on your confusion, shame, fear of more abuse, etc., to keep you silent, off-balance and sounding or appearing as something “less than” worthy or believable.  This is similar to the way a rapist often points to a woman who was victimized, claiming the story is manufactured, or that somehow it was “wanted” or deserved.  The same principle applies here, only it is done in the context of a legal action – with the offenders wearing suits and carrying degrees and titles that demand respect…while earning large fees for their time and “effort” on your behalf.  They have credibility and authority, while you don’t.

Those of us on the outside of the abuse or removed from the attack:  We are somehow convinced we should be afraid of something that is a personal or messy “situation” – that we must avoid it or it could somehow rub off on us.  Unfortunately this is true of many – we just don’t want to get our hands dirty with a rape scenario (maybe the victim isn’t a real victim, or the victim might turn on US).  But a fire?  If we help a family out of a fire, then we are HEROES.

Who doesn’t want to be a HERO?

We’re going to look at this another way, so read this post for more, “Trial by Fire.”