Protect Children from Psychological Abuse: Policy

Common sense tells us that causing worry in children is unhealthy for them. When one parent causes their child to doubt, resent, avoid or fear the other parent, assuming no actual safety threat exists, this can have severe and lasting harm on the child’s mental and emotional well-being. Don’t take my word for it.

You can observe children being subjected to family / parenting conflict in every community if you are concerned about this form of psychological abuse and know even a little about what to look for. Use the Contact Us form at the top right of this page if you’d like more information.

It is also undisputed that when a parent is physically or emotionally abusive to the other parent, whether pre- or post-separation, including through the use of deception, manipulation, financial control or financial deprivation to destabilize or shame the other parent, the harm translates directly to a negative impact on the children. Children cannot possibly feel good about themselves when one parent is harming the other and working to destroy a parent-child bond and relationship. Whether the stress and troubling feelings are apparent or not, they are there – and are dangerous to the child.

This is a child safety and mental health issue we should all want addressed.  Our court officials are given instruction by the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges in this Judicial Guide to Child Safety in Custody Cases, including specific detail on how to recognize and correct harmful tactics used by a parent against another such as coercive control. This form of abuse may not be seen at first glance or if an investigation disallows evidence of domestic abuse, which unfortunately is often the case. One key point in this Guide is that perpetrators of family violence, coercive control, economic abuse, mental cruelty, etc., position themselves forcefully and deceptively as victims; they can be good actors and enabled by professionals paid to suppress evidence of real abuse and victimization. As such, this is a tough area to resolve so it is important that more courts put the information in this Guide to good use.

Family violence / domestic abuse cases often include some form of child abuse, especially where the perpetrator is willing and able to use children to inflict pain on the targeted parent. It makes sense that if a parent is willing to harm his or her child’s other parent, the offending parent is indifferent to the harm caused to the child. Some parents are so lacking in empathy that they intentionally and willfully use their children as tools or weapons to cause distress, uncertainty about the child’s well-being or whereabouts, grief from having a child wrongfully removed, and some use children for their own financial gain, even if it means causing the loss of the child’s home and pets.

Perpetrators of abuse refuse to accept they can no longer access victims physically, so they use children as the means to gain proximity and to appear justified in sending disturbing messages in person or through digital means. There really is no limit to what an unhealthy person will do to another, so it is up to the Court to intervene.

This highlighted page embedded below was printed from Florida’s legislation updates page. I’ll get a clean copy uploaded soon for you to download or you can search for it online in the meantime. What matters is that leadership in Florida recognizes the damage to children and spells out the mental impact of psychological abuse, including when adults punitively or selfishly act to break bonds between children and safe, loving and available parents.

It is the intent to cause harm to the other parent, the indifference to the harm and deprivation of the child, and repeated, ongoing acts to shut out a good parent that causes me to share the proposed language of this bill. The term “alienation” is too often misused, so that word or description should not be substituted for plain language detailing acts of intentional abuse and family violence.

Thank you for taking time to read and learn. Let me know how I can help.

Deborah Beacham

FL Bill to Include Psychological Abuse and Alienation of Children in Certification by Deb Beacham

Psychology Today Contributor Gets It

No, it’s not your imagination. You heard correctly: a judge ordered children into a detention center and then into a special “camp” because they reported on family violence and asked to not be subjected to further abuse. The children spoke up because they did not want to be separated from the parent protecting them.

This issue is not about gender but about ignored facts and profit motives of certain professionals; it is just a game that is played in family court, and it harms mothers, fathers, grandparents and always the children.

At My Advocate Center in Atlanta, Georgia, we have been receiving data from and reporting on cases involving (equally) damages to good fathers and to good mothers, cases in which nothing makes sense when you look at the facts and available evidence and testimony.

The gender war (along with racial bias) is encouraged by the professionals profiting from the conflict, so that one group believes the other is benefitting from a bias or “unfair advantage.” Money does often play a role, but it is not always the person with access to money and status who is driving or benefitting from the foul play. This is why our data and reports are valuable to authorities, and why we support both professionals and parties in organizing facts and outcomes; it is overwhelming for those subjected to this misconduct, and even to professionals trying to unwind the case and assist the victims. You might not see who is causing the damages, how they are doing it and how it is being covered up if you do not look closely enough, or look at enough cases, including transcripts, billing records and custody reports (if the report has not been put under seal, if the transcripts are accurate and complete, and if the billing records or file are not withheld.)

The Michigan story this Psychology Today writer reports on could almost as easily be featuring a father who has been wrongfully separated from children who have asked for protection from their mother. That is the situation in an Augusta case covered by The Augusta Chronicle. It was not the father who was violent (per DFCS records which were hidden from the father), the child did testify on his behalf as did a competent, ethical guardian, but the facts and the needs of the child were ignored…while the father was stripped of everything – his rights to and time with his child, his financial assets, his job, and he was put in jail.

This Augusta case and other cases we have investigated show that men also are abused, and men can be the “protective parent” while the mother is the one involved in a “pay to play” game to avoid consequences for her own misconduct. What is being done to parents, to both mothers and fathers, sends the message that you are better off staying quiet about abuse (from addiction, violence, financial or fraud-related abuse) than asking for the court’s help. Ask for help at your own peril…and at your children’s peril…not that you are better off if you stay quiet, mind you. But many are told, “Do nothing, say nothing, or this will get worse; you will never see your child…”

The wrong outcomes are being forced upon good people and abused children as frequently as you see panhandlers near a highway or intersection; it is just something that happens and that many people have become numb to, but this happens to an unsuspecting public and causes irreparable harm. Currently there is no way to recover, including no way to recover or to bring home these children.

Coercion and intimidation tactics, and retaliation methods, rule the day, just like we see in this Michigan case with the children put in detention centers, cut off from their mother and the mother put under a gag order.

Child abuse can be prevented_My Advocate CenterAs in other cases, the children are old enough to be heard and to be believed, and they were clearly not represented properly by professionals charged with the duty of representing their best interests.

Psychology Today contributor Jennifer Baker, PhD, nails this story and the problems emphatically with her pen, in this article and in others, including this one and this one. This case and the issues is raises are not going away anytime soon.

This is one reason we focus on the needs of children consistently when noting questionable conduct and outcomes. The term best interest has been so badly misconstrued or even corrupted that it has become meaningless, at least in terms of the results shown in thousands of cases across the country, and around the world. Children are being betrayed when they ask for help and often silenced as the judge did in this case.

It is almost impossible to fathom that this is happening, let alone that it is often intentional and done in bad faith and with a complete lack of empathy for the trauma being caused to children and to the parents they need and want.

This is also a reason we emphasize to legislators that loopholes must be closed that allow certain court professionals to block evidence and testimony that should be used to protect children and victims of abuse. Evidence and testimony should be recorded and used for the benefit of our most vulnerable citizens; it is just not that complicated, but our data reveals that the opposite is taking place when cases are easily manipulated and controlled by certain attorneys and select child custody experts. If you read the transcript of this Michigan case and the associated articles, you’ll see what we mean.

What is consistent across these cases is the motive:

It is simply more profitable to keep children and safe parents off-balance, unprotected and ignored.  They have to spend money to fight back, until there is nothing left to spend. But typically the other side – the side driving the stress and trauma – will keep on spending. Profit over protection has become a pattern or a formula followed by professionals who typically lack oversight and who believe there will never be any consequences for causing harm to children.

We advocate for children to have the best of both parents, meaning the best that each has to offer, and that sometimes means one or both parents need to receive a “tough love” message from the court or the right treatment for addiction or counseling to manage bad behavior, but it that message should NEVER mean sentencing and locking up children who have not done anything wrong. Unfortunately, children in many states are being convicted and locked away – from safe, loving and available parents and families – when they asked to have a voice and to be protected.

To learn more or to report details of similar cases, please visit our Report Cases form on MyAdvocateCenter.com.

Deb Beacham, Founder and Director

Yellow Ribbon for Kids

This campaign is being designed to bring kids home to the parents they need and love.

The only reason these parents are not able to care for their own children is that certain court professionals chose to put their profits over protection, over the needs of the children in divorce and child custody disputes.

No, this is not the case in every situation, but an astounding number of cases in Georgia and around the country are being exposed for professional misconduct – – that led to children losing good parents.

The Yellow Ribbon is the symbol and theme that we know well…for it says to us to expect a welcome home, and especially a welcome home from war.

This IS the war on our home turf that many parents are fighting, including those who serve and have sacrificed to support our military.  While they fought for our rights, many of theirs have been denied.

Missing parents? Yes, moms and dads, including many in our military, our veterans, have been told they aren't good enough... #YellowRibbon time?

Missing parents? Yes, moms and dads, including many in our military, our veterans, have been told they aren’t good enough… #YellowRibbon time?

 

Help restore these parents and children to each other.

#Stand4Heroes

#YellowRibbon4Kids

#MyAdvocateCenter

Green Light on Needs of Children

Who is STOPPING good parents from caring for their children?  …stopping them from WORKING so they can provide for children?

Spotlight on Augusta, Georgia and on Columbia County for what the local Superior Court and law enforcement agencies know is being done improperly to a good father.   He is a good, hard-working man who loves and misses his child, and he deserves our support and attention from our leadership and news media.

A Candlelight Vigil is being held to light up the dark and drafty space surrounding the detention center where this man is being mistreated.   See this event page to RSVP and watch for updates.

Now that this case has been investigated by others outside the local system in Augusta, we are giving the “Green Light” for people to raise awareness about the dangers to every parent in this area who might pass through this court system.  

WFXG FOX54 Augusta – Your News One Hour Earlier

The situation described in this video is disturbing, but it is also disturbing to us that a good father…also seeking to protect his daughter…is being held in jail on false allegations.  There are some very interesting similarities on these two cases.  Both involve DFCS, law enforcement and certain child custody “experts” and the numbers and rulings just do not add up.  Both are leading to damages to these children.  Damages that can be avoided and that should be corrected.

We are asking law enforcement and our state and local leaders to bring transparency into this father’s case and into Augusta to see why so many good parents are unable to care for their own children, why they are losing their property and jobs, and their health.  

The evidence of these cases dictates that these are the wrong outcomes.  What’s next? #GreenLightAugusta

What about the laws?  Are they being followed?  Keep asking, and show up for these families.  Follow #NeedforGreen to learn more about what is holding back good parents, leaving families in worse shape than before.  

This story from Texas is now going viral, and it is closely related to what is happening in Augusta, and all over Georgia:

 

Screen shot 2014-03-23 at 12.42.50 PM

Please study local cases and ask questions, especially of Judge Michael Annis about judicial procedure and the use of evidence to exonerate innocent parties.  It appears the evidence was ignored here and a good father jailed because he stood up for his rights to parent and protect his daughter.  

He is fighting for his right to work and to provide for her — and for the chance to recover from what was done wrongfully to him in his divorce and custody case.

This father who is being held wrongfully, denied clean clothing for a week, being denied phone calls…is now writing letters to his daughter so that she knows she is not being abandoned by him.  Help him ensure these letters get to his daughter so that she doesn’t believe that he has abandoned her?  This is critical for her…not just for him.  (Please understand that THREE fathers in metro Atlanta have taken their lives after this type of custody case and mistreatment by court professionals.  We do not need another tragedy, and another Fatherless Daughter, for the State of Georgia to get the point: it is time to intervene!)  

Video testimony is helpful in getting what this is like, the reality for people in this situation, so please take a few minutes to watch this, and see that what happens to this woman in court is the SAME as what happened to this man who is now in jail in Augusta – away from his child who needs his protection and support.

This father wants to get back to work, so that he can pay child support, plus manage the outrageous fees put on him by these court professionals.   Let him out.  Let him work.  Let him defend himself. Give this child her father back.

Missing Parents

For kids who have missed out on a relationship with a mom or dad after divorce:

If you believe that your mom or dad did not choose to go missing on you, consider asking for some help with research.   You may see that parent occasionally and be unsure of why you have so little time with them.  Yes, sometimes it’s for a good reason, but not always.  These words are here to help you see that you can at least ask the questions and learn more now that you are older.

Your situation doesn’t have to be related to a divorce, but the reason our team is focusing on “Missing Parents” is that we have seen some bad decisions by judges and attorneys.   Sometimes the court can get in the way of what is really in your best interest, rather than doing what is right for you when it comes to time with your parents.  The problem is that people just don’t talk about this very often, and not where you can hear.

We are not saying we want to give you false hope.  Sometimes parents don’t know how to be parents and can’t cope.  But it’s worth checking to see if the court professionals working with your parents did something that didn’t make any sense.  If you want a relationship with a parent you have not seen much, but are afraid to ask, then let us know.

Sometimes a parent is just unhealthy and really can’t be involved, and that is something you can face and learn to cope with if that is true. Our hope is that even a parent who had some problems can get the right help and learn how to be what you need.

There are other situations, though, where the court decided to cut off a decent mom or dad, and for no good reason.

We know of parents who are fighting to earn enough money to afford help, or to find a way to deal with a wrong decision made by a judge.  

Sometimes parents wind up in front of a judge who maybe wasn’t paying attention to what YOU really need and want.  

Sometimes attorneys get lazy, and other times the “Guardian” can make huge mistakes in how they judge a mom or dad who was given bad advice by their lawyer.

There are different scenarios around attorneys and judges that can interfere with what you need and with what should happen with your parents.  It may not matter what the details are, but our mission is to create more resources that you can use to find answers – – answers that help you have what you need from both parents.

We have learned that there are decent parents who are not allowed to even contact their kids.

Unfortunately this separation can happen because an attorney or a “custody expert” decided to play games at your parent’s expense.  Really…at your expense.  That interference is what we are working to help correct, so if our work can lead you to get a parent back in your life who never should have been pushed away from you, then it makes all of our hard work worthwhile.

At least now there is a way to find out more information that can shed light.

You deserve the best that both of your parents have to offer you, as long as they are safe for you and not inflicting emotional or physical pain.

You may be old enough now to know the difference and to want answers.   First, we ask that you find an adult you trust through school, church or a counselor to help you as you ask questions and learn more.

It’s not right what certain professionals are doing for the sake of making extra money, but if you’re strong enough there may be a better way to deal with this than to worry and wonder.  For sure you should not assume that the parent you’ve been missing left you because they wanted to.

The hard part in answering these questions is that you may learn that the parent you’ve been living with had something to do with cutting out your other parent, and was using some kind of manipulation to make that parent go away.

If that happened it’s not right, but adults are not perfect.   Even a decent parent can have a bad idea.  Some make mistakes and don’t want to consider that they might have been wrong.

They’re human, so if you’re uncomfortable with finding out just how “human” your mom or dad is, don’t deal with this alone.  [We have good counselors who can help with these issues, so just ask.]   There is some risk involved in asking tough questions, and in facing the answers.  This is something you can prepare for, and handle as you feel ready.

Just know you aren’t alone, and that things are changing for the better.  

If you find out that a missing parent wants to see you, and needs support or counseling in order to have a healthy relationship with you, then ask for what you need to make it work.   That parent may be more scared than you are, especially if some time has passed and if you were given incorrect information about this parent.   You may learn that even if you missed valuable time together that you can make up for it as an adult, and find that “silver lining” that you hear about.

It’s there if you look for it.

Missing a parent?  Not sure what happened?  There may be more to the story than you realize.  Maybe it's time to ask, and ask someone who will not be mad at you for saying what you need.

Missing a parent? Not sure what happened? There may be more to the story than you realize. Maybe it’s time to ask, and ask someone who will not be mad at you for saying what you need.

 

Judges, Attorneys, Guardians and Custody Evaluators:  We hope that as kids become old enough to search on the Internet and to ask questions about why a parent suddenly wasn’t around much after a divorce, that a number of them will find their way here.

Please do what is within your power to stop alienation tactics and to restore balance in family conflicts.

“Parental alienation” is a term that kids do not understand and should not ever have to learn.

Our data shows that many alienation cases would NOT happen if certain court professionals did not encourage this bad behavior.  You see often enough the GAL who rewards a vindictive parent who will pay for the opportunity to cause misery.   It is YOUR job to use evidence and laws to protect children from losing good parents.

MLK Day: Join the Movement

Join Parents & supporters of the civil rights that are being denied in Family Court.  Continue this movement.

Join Parents & supporters of the civil rights that are being denied in Family Court. Continue this movement.

“What are YOU doing for others?”  This was the premise behind founding My Advocate Center, and asking more parents, professionals, policymakers & civic leaders to get involved.

Join the group of parents and concerned citizens who are voicing the urgent need for Family Court Reform.

Children are missing good parents.  Parents are being denied the right to care for, nurture and protect their children.

This is not necessary to allow this to happen – not according to our laws, our constitution, and based on the facts and evidence of these cases.

Help these families recover while we work to prevent more of the same.

We can’t think of a better way to honor the memory of the ultimate “Game Changer” in the history of Civil Rights.

Thank you for your support, and for using your voice in a non-violent way.

Please see our Facebook event page for details:  https://www.facebook.com/events/640934305968467/

Then subscribe to receive the newsletter about this Rally on MLK Day 2014, Atlanta, Georgia.

Teens & Kids Who Miss Their Parents

Somehow you made it to this website, so thank you for reading this far.

Are you not sure what you should think about your parents?

What about why you haven’t had much of a relationship with one of your parents, or maybe no contact at all with a mother or father?

Missing a parent?  Not sure what happened?  There may be more to the story than you realize.  Maybe it's time to ask, and ask someone who will not be mad at you for saying what you need.

Missing a parent? Not sure what happened? There may be more to the story than you realize. Maybe it’s time to ask, and ask someone who will not be mad at you for saying what you need.

We are hearing this a lot.

So if this sounds like your life, you are not alone.

All the answers are not here on this page, but we can help you on the right path to getting answers and help you connect with people you can trust.

It can be emotional learning about this – about the answers as to why a parent seems to have gone missing from your life.

But if you really want to know, you can get help dealing with emotions and fears.   You can also get help working with whatever legal issues there may be.

Things are changing, and it’s your turn to ask for what you need!

Court professionals use a term called “alienation” and they are supposed to help prevent you from losing a loving parent, but that’s not always how it turns out. And that is part of the reason we exist.  We want you to have the best that BOTH of your parents can give you.   So send us a message through Facebook, or go to the Contact Us page and send an email if you want to learn more.